What kind of juicy secrets? Well first, confirmation about Katie Holme’s wedding to Cruise being controlled by Scientology: “Morton claims Cruise had Holmes sign a document before they started dating that allowed ‘Scientologists full control over her life’.” This is probably not a secret they would kill to keep safe, as it simply involves that Holmes “must never use psychiatric care or psychiatric drugs.”

Additionally, Morton’s book validates the claim that Katie Holmes is under a $3,000,000 a year salary via prenup for her marriage with Cruise. Of course, the Church of Scientology claims that “Ms. Holmes never signed any agreement.”

The 47-year-old Schmidt was found in a shower stall at a North 21st street condominium in Phoenix, AZ. “He hung himself, and the shower stall was so small, he had to squat to get the job done.”

Some random facts from nndb:

Born: 27-May-1960
Birthplace: Rochester, MN
Military service: US Army (1978-81)

High School: Dover-Eyota High School, Eyota, MN (1978)
University: Rochester Community College, Rochester, MN
University: BA English, Augsburg College, Minneapolis, MN (1985)
University: Bowling Green State University

Charges: Harassment, Violating Probation

It’s possible that he found evidence that Tom Cruise is Gay, in which case the Church of Scientology and Cruise himself would certainly be interested in seeing him never see the light of day again. Who killed David Hans Schmidt? We’ll never know, but a lot of people wanted him dead.

Yup, that’s Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ little baby Suri Cruise on the cover of Vanity Fair with her parents!

Is this the real deal? Does Suri Cruise really exist?

According to TMZ, there were several irregularities in the birth certificate:

In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled “friend.” The signature is not legible.

However, it now seems much more likely that Suri Cruise isn’t just a figment of our imagination!

The article adds:

According to my sources, a photo shoot of Suri was offered to Wire Image, the prestigious agency, for sale to the various celebrity magazines right after the little “Mission: Impossible”/”Dawson’s Creek” tyke was born in silence to her unmarried movie star parents Tom Cruise and the dazed-looking Katie Holmes. An auction was conducted, with People, US Weekly, Star and the lesser names like In Touch all putting in their two cents.

But apparently the bids weren’t enough for TomKat. The article writes, “The Cruise auction is said to have produced not more than a $3 million bid. At that point, the offer was rescinded.” So basically since they couldn’t fetch a nice sum for their baby, they’ve taken to hiding her in the house out of embarassment. Wow. This is after Tom Cruise tried to simultaneously congratulate Angelina Jolie on Shiloh and convert her to Scientology. Speaking of Scientology, apparently had the pictures of Suri Cruise been properly auctioned, the Church would have gotten a cut:

Exactly who from Cruise’s strange inner circle initiated the contact is still unknown, although I am told the enterprise was “official.” It’s likely that the Church of Scientology would have gotten a cut, too, considering they like to take 10 percent of everything from their celebrity clients.

The article also claims that Shiloh’s $4 mil is probably the highest price baby pictures will fetch for a long time:

“Shiloh was the whole deal,” my source said. “We won’t see a baby like that again for a while.”

Just imagine what poor little Suri Cruise will have to face when she meets Shiloh one day.

Update: Contrary to the above report that Suri Cruise photos weren’t sold for $3 million, Tom Cruise is now apparently saying that his Scientology beliefs wouldn’t let him bring the newborn outside, anyway. The article writes:

It has now been claimed Tom is reluctant to show off Suri because Scientology doctrine teaches followers of the sci-fi cult to avoid taking newborn babies out unless absolutely necessary.

A friend of the actor told Britain’s Grazia magazine: “Tom insists he’ll do it in his own time. He won’t be bullied into showing his world his precious angel. Tom wants to obey Scientology rules about keeping babies out of … the public eye.”

I always wanted to be a father. I remember my whole life, I wanted to be a father. So I’m hoping maybe I have 10 children.

These extra 9 children would be in addition to the two adopted children he had with ex-wife Nicole Kidman. The press also asked him about his Father’s Day, and he had this to say:

It was the best Father’s Day … I think you all know how, what a gift it is, children. [sic]

The question remains: will Cruise also keep his other nine locked away like he’s done with Suri? Whether or not he was joking about having more kids, the public is still dying to know the outcome of the first. He claims he loves his children and is even feeling particularly fatherly nowadays:

I feel the responsibility of that, because they are the future. So I feel so overwhelmed with emotion at times when I look at my children, which I think we all know when you are looking at your own child you love so much.

Well, maybe too much public scrutiny is bad for a youngster, but just a few pictures can’t hurt. It’s even made Brangelina’s Shiloh Nouvel a fashion icon. So come on, Tom, give us a peek.

Katie has embarked on a hardcore fitness regime and does 200 sit-ups a day, combined with two hours of cardio work before pilates. She has eaten healthily since giving birth but now her friends are worried she has dropped two dress sizes in too short a period of time.

This kind of strict exercise schedule must be taxing on the new mother — need we emphasize the pain and suffering of childbirth? While I’m sure Cruise hired help, these past two months must still be hectic for Katie, who undoubtedly is learning the ropes of child-rearing under severe public scrutiny. Her friends add:

She is rushing around all of the time and is on hand for the baby 24 hours a day. Her weight is just rapidly falling off. It can’t be good and has got to be very stressful.

My only theory for this ridiculous weight-loss is the fact that Cruise and Holmes are rumored to marry fairly soon, and Katie must want to fit into the smallest wedding dress that exists. Seeing as she started off with an incredibly thin body, let’s hope the soon-to-be wife of Cruise doesn’t start looking too anorexic for comfort. She is, after all, also rumored to be preparing for a second child.

But never mind all that, because it appears Tom and Katie have already started preparing for their second child. We’re told they’ve planned to have at least two or three kids. One source explains their reasoning:

Tom and Katie are so thrilled with Suri that they want to have a second baby right away. Before Suri’s birth they talked about having two or three kids — and they don’t want to wait.

Another source added:

Katie was really scared of becoming a mom. She didn’t know what to expect and she was worried that she’d be overwhelmed by all the responsibilities. But she’s loving every minute of being home with Suri. Katie isn’t at all concerned with getting back to work.

What a surprise. If you were being paid $33 million, would you mind having Tom Cruise’s babies? Congratulations, Katie, you’ve completely redefined what it means to be a trophy wife!