Star Wars: The Clone Wars Sucks
Movie reviewer Harry Knowles wrote a negative review of Star Wars: The Clone Wars but it got pulled, probably by request of Lucasfilm. Since the latest animated episode in the Star Wars universe is opening this Friday, you might be interested in reading this review before you decide to go:
Hi, Guys…
by TheRealMoriarty Aug 11th, 2008
04:25:38 AM
… to those asking, I’ll try a new tact in this thread. Harry took his CLONE WARS review down at the request of Lucasfilm, who have chosen to enforce an embargo on reviews on our site. There may, in fact, be other outlets who have reviews up currently. That is not something we can control. Harry will repost his same review when he is able to. I hope that explains it, but if you have further questions, I’ll try answer them. I’d really rather this talkback were about the great Bernie Brillstein, though.”Here’s the original review:
“Harry hated THE CLONE WARS!
I’ve never hated a STAR WARS film before. I have weathered Jar Jar and any number of Ewoks. I survived Hayden and a wooden Portman. I even accepted Jake Lloyd. I handled all that because it felt like STAR WARS.
I can accept all of Lucas’ flaws, so long as at its heart it felt like Star Wars. I can deal with politics in Star Wars. I can deal with trade skirmishes in Star Wars. I can deal with musical numbers, breathing in the vacuum of space. Basically – so long as it feels like STAR WARS – I can watch any of it.
Was I looking forward to STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (2008)?
******** A!
I was dying. After Genndy’s CLONE WARS – I felt that perhaps Lucas “got it” – and that this new animated series was taking a lead from Tartakovsky’s brilliant assembly of pieces. Genndy’s CLONE WARS got STAR WARS better than anyone has got it since Lawrence Kasdan and Irvin Kershner. Genndy took designs and characters that folks were dissatisfied with and made them cool. He did this by using and adapting the themes created by John Williams, the wholly perfect entity involved with Star Wars along with… the sound effects of Ben Burtt. He understood speed and motion – not just with action, but in editing. He understood classic film composition and iconography. And he knows what BADASS is.
The folks behind this STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS movie… you could tell, they looked at what Genndy did – but they didn’t understand any of it. There’s a ****load of battles and ***** going boom. There’s noise everywhere – fury everywhere… but none of it is directed. The music by Kevin Kiner is criminally bad. Why they didn’t employ Paul Dinletir and James Venable is beyond me. No, no – let’s hire the composer of WALKER, TEXAS RANGER. Ahem.
Now – I made excuses for this film as I was watching it. I don’t think you understand how much I love STAR WARS. Maybe you do, maybe you do too.
Before the movie started I was firing myself up to go out after the film and buy that new $200 Hasbro Millenium Falcon. I really wanted to go buy it, and I wanted this movie to empower my brain to go through with that. Instead, I found myself at home – putting on Genndy’s THE CLONE WARS – to try and rebuild my passion – so I can go get that new Falcon.
Instead – I’m thinking I’ll just be here at home enjoying this and that’ll be all I need.
Anyway – as I was watching the film, I was excusing the sloppy shots, the sloppy use of the Clone Troopers and Droids – undoing all the awesome work that Genndy had done – and the droids are silly again. The Clone Troopers are limp. And the Jedi – they’re at 25% power from the mind of Genndy. But I was accepting that. I figured that was Lucas dialing back so that the animated series wouldn’t overpower his features.
Then they introduced Baby Jabba aka Rotta the Huttlet aka Stinky. At the point of this character’s introduction – it officially became, the worst character in the history of STAR WARS. If you hate George Lucas cutsiepoo bull**** – oooooooh boy. You’re gonna have a field day of venting and hatred directed at this unbelievably ****ing awful little ****.
Oh – but wait… Little Stinky the Hutt isn’t the worst character in the history of STAR WARS… because Stinky got introduced earlier in the film. As much as I hated lil Stinky… I was weathering Stinky. I seriously was. But later there was a character of such immense **** – offensively bad. The character was so bad, so incredibly awful – that it was a slap to the face. It woke me out of my ****-accepting stupor and made me angry. SUDDENLY my “inner fanboy rage” was awoken.
As I watched this terrifyingly awful character named Ziro the Hutt. A seemingly female Hutt – with tattoos and make-up that sounds like a racist take on a Black New Orleans Crack-Dealing Whore. Because this Hutt speaks ENGLISH – and it is many times worse than I’m actually describing. This character was actually too much for me. So bad that every flaw I was looking past, was now a road sign to inadequacy and mediocrity. All of a sudden my brain realized that Asajj Ventress’ voice no longer was acceptable – and sure enough – the amazing Grey DeLisle, who originally voiced the character back in 2003 – had been replaced by a Nika Futterman – and that voice was missed. The character didn’t have that snarling menace anymore.
I realized that nothing in this animated film felt right. I felt time expanding. It seemed that the film was dragging – nevermind that lots of **** was firing all over the place – and stuff was going boom and things were being revealed. I just didn’t care because this wasn’t what I wanted.
I hated the score, the animation, the shots, the characters and most of all the retarded ******** idiot story.
I hated the film. HATED IT. REALLY HATED IT.
Does this mean the whole Star Wars Animated Series is doomed? No – but it isn’t a good sign. So much of this is awful because of the Hutt plotlines and character. I also feel that Dave Filoni must be a hack. His work here is sloppy – and depending on writers and directing talent – individual episodes may be better. This film was several episodes all strung together – my prayer is that the individual episodes will be both great and awful – and we’ll discover which talents are responsible for each.
That said – the audience did have light applause. My father liked it. My sister felt too much was going on. Me nephew really liked it. That said – Yoko was complaining right along with me. She thought it was **** too. I know Moriarty liked it. Wonder what Quint and Massawyrm thought.
****. I hated a STAR WARS. That ****ing sucks.”
| This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 at 6:59 pm and is tagged with bernie brillstein, star wars the clone wars, irvin kershner, lawrence kasdan, star wars universe, jake lloyd, star wars film, harry knowles, tartakovsky, ewoks, musical numbers, jar jar, lucasfilm, skirmishes, tact, portman, talkback, embargo, star wars, vacuum. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback. |
11 Responses to “Star Wars: The Clone Wars Sucks”
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Oh man did you hit the nail on the head. I’ve been a Star Wars fan since ‘77 and unfortunately never once saw the other animated clone wars series … but I found myself momentarilly thinking of walking out of the theatre … walking out of a Star Wars movie!!!!!???? This was inconcievable, uncomprehensible, insane!!!! I’m sorry George … you dissapointed your most loyal fans with this animess movie. Still a fan but deeply wounded. Oh please let the Live Action TV series be true to your original big screen vision..and please for the love of the Force, No More Hutts named stinky or those that have a New Orleans accent!!! paul
Were you in the theater just hoping and praying that this would just get better? I am still dumbfounded about this movie.
I have seen return of jedi over 47times in my live and can recite the whole movie! But this was junk compared to what was on cartoon network… this should not even been called clone wars! this was the battle of the bridge….( on some stupid planet) and WHERE THE HELL IS GREVIOUS? Lucas throws him in the 3rd movie, but I dont understand how a person becomes a “general” in a plot line between the clone wars movie and episode 3… Im not a Die hard fan (well at least on who would try to make his own stormtrooper costume) but i have read over 10 of the books and seen all the movies over 8 times each, and I own all the episodes and the cartoon network “clone wars”….. and this movie is so not even in the same time line….. how does jabba own the trade routes in the outer rim? that doesn’t make sense, wouldn’t darth vader just roll up to tatooine and destroy his palace if that were the case? I mean by at least the new hope darth vader would have seized control of the shipping lanes…. (Hence the need for han solo (smugglers))
All in all i would not even take my kid to see this! i am ashamed of george for this atrocity! I think this was a movie made by a fourth grader!
they even tweaked the theme music…. to be even more lame…..
and Ziro? are you serious? I don’t even know why a HUTT would even be on courscant? F this movie! go on AMAZON and buy some awesome star wars books! Personally like the rise of Dark Vader by James Luceno its cool to read how VADER is right after episode 3
I saw the movie and I gave it a chance..
By the time the narration came along, It seemed as if there was already no hope.
I held on until the new padawan chick came along..
Just everything about this movie makes me sick, its worse than the *** Pistol’s selling out!
My poor 12 dollars… COME BACK TO ME… if there was ever a way to UNWATCH a movie I’d do it..
oh yea hannah montana is alot better then this movie wtf are you talking about this is the only good cartoons out nowadays you see jonas brothers hannah montana demi lovato they all suck
[...] Most of the titles that come immediately to mind are from Bioware, a developer I’ve been in love with since the original Baldur’s Gate. Mass Effect would make a great movie, as well as Jade Empire and Knights of the Old Republic (which I long for even more after watching the new and profoundly mediocre Clone Wars cartoons). [...]
Lucas should pull the plug on the cartoon series. Develop a sequel trilogy like he originally planned to do focusing on the further adventures of Luke Skywalker. If he
does not want to do it he should pass it on to someone else who does. Star Wars should live on in films for future generations of children and it should be the same
quality as the original trilogy not the junk like the Clone Wars movie which takes advantage of a loyal fan base.
I couldn't really comment on how good or bad the film was, as I was so disgusted in the fact that they had made a Clone Wars cash cow in the first place, it's very existence is a simple, boring, badly produced kick in the face to all the great clone wars material that came before from the awesome Dark Horse Comics and Gendy T.
Dave Filoni say's he is a fan but he's GL's *****. This is the neo-Holiday special imo, The Clone wars is old news, lets have something new, as said before lets hope the live action captures the old SW charm and style.
I'll be re-reading the collected Clone wars TPB's for the “Real” events of the three years between AOTC and ROTS
I’m a loyal Star Wars fan.
I like the dialectical concept of light vs. dark. I like the signature lightsaber of the jedi. I liked the prequels. Some people don’t like the prequels, but that is respectable.
Lucas’ movies have psychological aspects, romantic drama and action. And Lucas has created something very rare; a line of movies that can be enjoyed by kids and adults alike.
The only I haven’t liked about the movies was Hayden Christensen’s brutal acting. When he loses his looks, he will have nothing. I can’t wait ’till his an ugly forty-year-old working at burgerking, descending into alcholism and dementia {as a certain deviant artist suggested may occur}.
This stabs a dagger in the heart of every loyal star wars fan;
Ahsoka with a voice like Hilary duff, Mace Windu looking so skinny, Yoda looking like a teddy bear, and my beloved KitFisto’s handsome visage DISHONOURED in this manifestation of mediocre computer animation.
Now, Tartanovsky. Oh, dear Tartanovsky. Now theres a man who knows how to make a good movie. He made The previous Clone wars movie {the one that brdges the gap between 2 and 3} and it was superlative. The plot was sublime, the fight scenes perfectly cheoreographed.
Dave Filoni ruined star wars. And his movie, besides being a pilot towards the show}the quality of whcan equate with that of the movie that suceeds it.}The rating I could give this movie would be a NEGATIVE INTEGER.
There! My hateful rantings constitute this 500+ word paragraph bashing the movie which sold many a crappy peice of merchandise.
Now, I’m just 13. I’ll say this before anyone criticizes me about my comment. I have been a STAR WARS fan for quite a while now and I was pleased with both the original triliogy and prelude movies. I also believe that the first CLONE WARS series was well done. But, when I heard of this new animated movie, I could immeadiately tell it would be horrible, and I was right. I did not understand any of this **** which was presented to me in the movie and did not like any of the new characters. I believe that the animation was horrible, I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed, but Anakin’s neck bulges out of his outfit, the same as everyone’s eyes with their head. Also, what is with Ashoka Tano? Doesn’t Anakin have to be a jedi master to train someone, I believe we confront this problem in episode 3, Anakin is not yet a master. I also hear that in the series Anakin is adressed a “General” Skywalker, in which episode 3, he is a “Commander.” I was absolutely disgusted by this film and George Lucas has hurt me, very much. I cannot believe, in his effort to keep STAR WARS alive, he would agree to make this ****. The person I hated most in this movie was Ashoka Tano, why is she considered a new species? (There’s Shak-Tii which she looks way too much similar too) Where the hell did she come from? And why did she need to ruin everything? I feel somewhat embarassed that I can not write as well as you other people, but I just wish to express my anger against this movie. Overall. This movie was terrible. Ashoka Tano is terrible. Ventress used to be awesome, but now is an old-looking annoying voiced, anerexic hag. The STAR WARS universe has been scarred, bruised and wounded, and there must be something soon to help it recover.
Drew, I totally agree with you. The new Clone Wars series is barely watchable. The only reason why most fans tolerate it is because it is something new from the Star Wars brand.
As for the Star Wars universe being badly scarred and bruised, I would agree with you…except most fans I know don’t consider it real Star Wars. Problem is, for many of us (like you and I apparently), Star Wars isn’t just a “brand” at all…rather it’s a well created and crafted modern-day mythology. I think that there are two eras. There is the pre-insanity era and post-insanity era. Pre-insanity includes the original trilogy, the radio shows, and the novelizations. This will always be the “truest” Star Wars for me and the core of the mythology. The rest of this stuff is apocrypha at best, especially when it contradicts the novels and first three movies. Imagine if the stimulus bill would have included a billion dollar plan for Peter Jackson to do the prequels over entirely. Now THAT would have been change I can believe in!!
Just my humble opinion…although the prequel movies themselves were not really craptastic like the Clone Wars I think they should be re-done with a lot less CGI and a lot more gravitas.