Cracked has an awesome list of terrible rappers, but they don’t go nearly far enough. They miss a few obvious ones that are definitely worth a laugh. After all, we’ve got 20 years of glorious rap history to paw through, and one post isn’t nearly enough to get all the terribly named rappers!

Beat-n-Azz (aka Mr. Collipark, DJ Smurf, and Michael Crooms)

So, it’s either a blonde dog, a mule accustomed to harsh punishment, or a blue sexless cartoon. I’m not sure why he chose the name for himself, fashioning it after “college park” where he once lived, but it’s clear this rapper can’t spell and doesn’t know much about animal life.

Too Short

It’s bad enough it’s spelled “Too $hort.” But we’re not sure if this rapper is pimping his personal endowment or his height. Modesty in a gangster rapper? Unheard of.

MC Ren

With a real name of Lorenzo Jerald Patterson, we can’t imagine how he came to the Chinese word ren (人) get in his rapper name. Ren literally means “person,” so he is just MC Person. This is ok if you want to be more generic than anybody. Come on, stunt a lil!

Lil’ Keke

The names starting lil’ automatically means a bad start, but Lil’ Keke’s name has been abused by Starcraft players to indicate a ZERG RUSH!!!!!!

Fat Joe

Just because you weight at least 300 pounds does not a rapper make you. And, there’s no reason to put it into your name. Why not something more creative, like “Joe the Crusher,” or even “Juicy Joe” or “Joe Joe.” LOL.

Swizz Beatz

Swizzy, we love you, but even Jon Steward thought you were the manufacturer of “Swiss Beats.” Imported. From Switzerland. It’s just too much ambiguity for our rap-soaked brains to take in all at once.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 31st, 2007 at 1:21 am and is tagged with mr collipark, dj smurf, jon steward, starcraft players, swizz beatz, rap history, lil keke, crooms, harsh punishment, mc ren, chinese word, zerg rush, aka mr, joe joe, jerald, animal life, azz, rappers, crusher, modesty. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback.